Wiley Wigglers of the Earth
By Robin Red Breast
Worms? Robin, why are worms in a how-to guide? Well it’s true that they have no sense of sight or smell, which in most cases leaves them helpless against a trained stalker. However, worms do have an overheightened sense of hearing not necessarily from ears. Have you ever seen ears on a worm? I mean, one you didn’t catch by the nuclear plant. Worms are pretty much one with the ground. They can feel the smallest vibration in the ground which helps to keep them from being smashed under the gigantic weight of a human. This sense of one-ness however can be tricky for the novice to overcome. Often novices are too impatient to keep still and move slowly. So without further a-do here’s the how-to for catching worms.
Step 1: Proper ConditionsWorms are most readily at the surface after a heavy or long rainstorm. So this is the prime time to hunt for them. In fact you’ll have an almost impossible time trying to hunt worms if it hasn’t rained within the last few hours.
Step 2: Fly OverAfter confirming a recent rain, do a cursory fly over of the ground you intend to hunt on. Many times you’ll be able to spot those fleshy suckers from the air, which gives you an advantage of knowing where to land and how far you'll need to stalk.
Step 3: Stalking PatienceNow that you've landed a few well timed hops away from your intended target, it's time to hold still. As you wait and observe, you will begin to notice the worm getting sleepy. With practice you will recognize the signs of a sleepy worm more readily. Cocking your head from side to side allows you to keep limber while still observing the worm. As the worm lays on the surface, they take small naps of about a second each. Not much to you but to a worm's tiny brain it's very refreshing. You may need to practice being able to recognize the napping worm many times before you are ready for the next step. Don't fret, practice makes perfect, worm catching machine.
Step 4: TimingAs soon as you see the worm slip off into a nap state, you must take one hop forward. It won't sleep long, but once you get the timing right, you'll be chowing down on worm flesh within a few seconds. The worm temporarily loses the one-ness with the ground during it's nap. A fatal evolutionary flaw that probably developed before worms surfaced to avoid drowning. Whatever the cause, it works to our advantage rendering the worm defensless on the surface just long enough for us to land a jump without it noticing. Now, as long as originally landed a few hops away from the target in the first place, you should be well within reach of the succulent worm in about two hops.
Step 5: A Well Placed PeckWorms, by nature, have the annoying ability to resist being plucked from their holes because of microscopic hair-spikes and muscle constriction. This should be no match for you however, you know their secret. Once again, just wait for the worm to take it's little nap then strike hard and fast at the worm. The closer to where it's coming out of the ground that you grab it, the better your chance of removing the entire worm. This too will take practice. You must be fast or the little buggers will wake and instantly contract back, most likely snapping in two, and sometimes slipping from your grip entirely.
Well, there you have it! By following these steps you should be well on your way to having a belly full of wormy goodness. Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm! Happy Hunting!